Translation: José Luis Rico
Merkittävät puistot alueittain (“Significant Parks by Region”)
included in the chapbook Tuopin hintainen runovihko 1
(“A chap book worth a pint n. 1”, 2017)
The park spectrum is abundant and manifold. The oldest parks originated in the 19th century and many are under construction as we speak. You can check out the parks beforehand at the Green Heats website.
There are several significant park sites under construction in our city, each
designed to service its own user segment, for example:
-the Engine and Mechanics Park will become the youthful and dynamic Contemplation Park every odd week,
-the Year-Round Winter Park will be refrigerated on certified green energy,
–ISSDP: Interactive Spirituality and Self-Development Park caused a brutal, uncontrollable avalanche of project applications form the Business Finland and Aalto University crowd.
At your right hand you’ll see A PARK WHERE THERE ARE
FOUR WALLS
and right next to it there’s
a WESTERN-STYLE PARK, featuring post-war Europe’s
biggest breach
Other standouts are the SINGLE-USE PARK meant for Labor Day lunch and pick-nicks,
the muscle-activating, mobile and portable EGOPARK and
for the undocumented and the folks traveling for other reasons there’s
the MIGRATION AND SAFETY PARK,
further down there is one that makes us proud,
- RADIATION PARK, in whose middle we’re now building
the SUNNY AND UV-SAFE HALO PARK,
-folks surely remember the COMMUNITY AND CONCILIATION PARK? Rightly so. There you’ll find a light fountain famous for receiving the national art award, which portrays bankers high-fiving debtors, and of course, for the welfare buffs there is
-the ENCOURAGING AND ACTIVATIVE COMMISERATION PARK, which will be transferred to a more adequate site next year.
Right now you can see our new PARKING BUILDING PARK, wholly unlimited and free, with the option of eternal parking, to be expanded yearly at an indexed rate. You won’t run out of space.
Last year the park of the year award was granted to the OPEN-SOURCE-IDEA PARK, assorted with a 3D printer and unlimited printing rights, and close-by you’ll see the past years’ favorites:
-the IRONIC TOTALITARIAN THOUGHT PARK, as well as
-the BRIEF 20TH CENTURY RADIOACTIVE LANDFILL PARK, no anti-joke,
-the EMISSIONS TRADING AND PROFIT PARK is suddenly growing in popularity after a quiet period in the previous years. And now, to your right, my personal favorite:
-the POLITICAL TRADING MOTORSPORTS PARK
(WARNING! Weekly location and schedule changes. Quirk: the unsuspecting pedestrian is chosen among power players with different levels of influence, from the municipal decision-makers all the way up to the EU level. Borrow a car, drink a bottle of vodka and make a difference!)
-the low-emission and recycled-plastic- and undecomposable-waste-made ARCTIC LOVE ECO-DESIGN PARK will quench your thirst for culture, sustainably,
-the LATEST RESEARCH PARK is popular among children and school kids. This informative park site was developed by the Forest Authority and the Forest Friends Association, and in it you’ll find images and descriptions of all known trees. The tradition-cherishing warden is famous for his stories, where he vividly depicts plywood. I recommend it.
An up-and-comer is the Nordics’ biggest and most diverse
P S Y C H O A C T I V E F A M I L Y P A R K,
an actual class-blender, whether you’re looking to relate to someone or activate your social conscience,
and of course the city’s assortment also includes the CAAP
-the CRITICAL THINKING AND
ARTIST ACTIVIST
CONCRETE PIG PARK
as well as the completely drug-free area:
-the EXPERIMENTAL PARTYING AND FREE-FALL PARK, with different visual obstacles for the demanding palate. It features designated areas where it’s appropriate to laugh,
- –
- –
Next year we’ll open the GOOD LIFE PARK, with the biggest doners being the Ministers of Health and Social Wellbeing, as well as several of the most esteemed global pharmaceutical companies, which nonetheless wish to remain anonymous. And before I forget I must mention
-the MINERALS AND MINING PARK, where you might find uranium that there are no plans to extract. If you have always wanted to fuck the Work and Trade Minister with a uranium shaft, this is the place for you. No need to angst about your performance or not getting it up, we’ll create a safe environment and favorable conditions.
Satisfaction guaranteed.
And we will certainly sooner or later find ourselves in a park, that is no fun at all: it’s the DISAPPONTMENT AND GROUNDLESS EXPECTATION PARK. Here you can for example take two pill sheets of diazepam, four packs of over-the-counter antihistamines, and—depending on your weight—six to ten beers to top it off.
While tragic from up close, it is almost certainly amusing to everyone—from a contemplative, aesthetically-minded distance. The “at least someone’s laughing” rule holds true.
And the last park is virtual. It’s meant for the civil activism and freedom-of-thought enthusiasts:
- the ARCHIVABLE REGISTRY PARK
That’s all.
I ask myself: When was
the last time
I dozed off at a park?
Juha Rautio (b. 1980) works with words and music, with text and sound. His forays beyond the printed format hark back to the beginning of his literary career. Various multi-disciplinary projects and gigs have expanded and continue to expand his work as a poet. He has published 10 books of poetry and prose, including Tuopin hintainen 1 runovihko (2017), Festivaali (2018), Sääntö 0 (2019), Trad (2021) and Jokainen epäilys ennen tätä ja tämän jälkeen (2024). Rautio has been actively performing since 2005, with shows in all sorts of settings beyond cities, from the sparsely populated Utsjoki to small villages in Eastern Finland.
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